I’m not 27 anymore

"Forbid me? I’m familiar to your hands-onapproach to parenting, but I’m not 27 anymore. I can do whatever I want.” - Shaun Spencer ("Psych" TV Show)

God's Support for the Unibrow

Deuteronomy 14:1
1 Ye are the ^achildren of the LORD your God: ye shall ^bnot ^ccut yourselves, nor make any baldness ^dbetween your eyes for the dead.

God's Time

A man is praying to God. "Lord," He prays.
"Is it true that to you a million years is but a second?"
"Yes." The Lord says. "That is true."
Then he asked, "Well then, what is a million dollars to you?"
"A million dollars to me", says the Lord, "is but a penny."
"Ah, then Lord," says the man, "may I have a penny?"
"Sure,", says the Lord, "just a second."
-Plato and a Platypus Walk into a Bar: Understanding Philosophy Through Jokes
by Thomas Cathcart and Daniel Klein
as quoted by Tom Magliozzi on Car Talk 10-20-2007

Legacy

"If your parents never had children, chances are you won't either."
Dick Cavett

Because people are sleeping

A Sunday school teacher asked her children as they were on the way to church service, "And why is it necessary to be quiet in church?"
One bright little girl replied,"Because people are sleeping."
- Author unknown

Fire Hydrant Factory

"I used to work in a fire hydrant factory. You couldn't park anywhere
near the place."
-- Steven Wright

The Best Things in Life are Free

"The best things in life are free. And the cheesiest things in life are
free with a paid subscription to Sports Illustrated."
-- Johnny Carson