Bathroom Scale:

Bathroom Scale: A piece of equipment which only seems to work
correctly when one holds on to towel rail, stands on
one foot and leans hard to the left.

Author Unknown

I didn't do it!

Prosecutor: Did you kill the victim?
Defendant: No, I certainly did not!
Prosecutor: Are you aware of the penalties for perjury?
Defendant: Yes, I am and they're a lot better than the
penalty for murder.

Author Unknown

Hot Shot Executive

A young businessman had just started his own firm. He'd rented
beautiful office and had it furnished with antiques. Sitting there,
he saw a man come into the outer office. Wishing to appear the hot
shot, the businessman picked up the phone and started to pretend
he had a big deal working. He threw huge figures around and made giant
commitments. Finally he hung up and asked the visitor, "Can I help
you?" The man said, "Yeah, I've come to activate your phone lines."

Author Unknown